The Words from A Father That Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk among men, who still hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a break - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."