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As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.